RE -TAKE ON BUCKET LIST

Since a lot of people have commented on my tag being very cliched, and i have felt it so too, here's my review on 'The Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die'... Actually this is the correct list, the earlier one was my attempt to be nice and politically correct, though as i can see it failed miserably. Maybe I am better off the way i am ie very naughty. So here it goes...

1. TRAVEL: I want to travel extensively, and to all d remotest parts of d world. But that does not exclude d popular destinations, yet i want to explore d world on my terms and not what d guide wants me to see. The best way will be to pack my bag n just head to where ever i feel like. No boundations whatsoever.

2. OWN A MANSION, AND A FANCY SPORTS CAR: Ya i want to own a mansion and zip in and out of it in a sports car, travel in a yatch and on private aeroplane ala our very own Mukesh Ambani. Not that all, i want the mansion to have acres of open space all around it (not a high rise mind you, but simple and spacious two storied modest building, full of maids n servants). Whenever i cum home, i want my pups (of all breeds, esp d ferocious ones) to run towards me and cuddle me and make me feel all wanted (remember d Reymonds ad... that was cute)

3. DATE THE MOST HANDSOME AND HOT GUY: Need i add more? Its so obvious... but i want to do it fast and before i turn 30.... cz i dont beleive in "ageing gracefully" or that 'life starts at 40' or somthng....

4. I WANT TO BE TALLER AND MORE BEAUTIFUL: Not that i complain and i m pretty happy with d way i m, bt i nt drop dead gorgeous n if i can be a lot more taller, hav a lot better skin n hair, then i dnt thnk it'll hurt. Also to date d hottest guy, i need to be hot too. Otherwise y wud he date me... or btr still i wudnt date cz of my inferiority complex.

5. TRY ADVENTURE SPORTS: I hav nvr been a sporty person in my life bt nw i really wanna liv on d edge n do all d crazy stuff dat ppl lyk to term as "adventure" ... some on d list include water sports, mountain n sky sports, mountaineering, trekking, et al.

6. GO SHOPPING: Not d way i go nw, bt like cmpltly crazzy n buy watevr my eyes can see. One day throw all inhibitions to d air, n jus go on retail therapy. Buy d costliest of brands of clothes, shoes, accessories, perfumes, chocolates, gifts n wat else n wat not.

7. BE THE C.E.O OF A COMPANY: Ya, as mentioned before i actually wanna head a company frm the front n be d MD of it as well.

8. FIND A MULTI BILLIONAIRE: Well this one is d most obvious of all... i need a multi billionaire person to fund all my dreams, desires n aspirations... cz if i try on my own, i'll b so old that only my sons wud b reaping d benefits, n dividing my empire after my death.

P.S. Dont mind the sms language... i dont have the patience to edit it.

Love is beautiful, yet it has its own side effects

Its raining posts, rather its discovery time. While cleaning up my cupboard, i chanced upon my old diary where i had written this one. Dating back to february* this year when it was written, it is finally seeing the light of the day in the month of june, without much of editing.


Lord Alfred Tennyson** asks in ‘In Memoriam’
“I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all …”

It’s a question that has baffled the youth since time immemorial that is it actually better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Love is a very powerful feeling and has known to have not only immense creative powers but destructive powers as well. It not only guides the heart, but the mind and soul along too, and makes people behave in the most unexpected ways. It’s capable of stirring the deepest of the feelings, and causes such vibrations that people are often ignorant about. Love, emotions, feelings, intimacy- the cause of every happiness and laughter, but also of pain and sufferings, of well being and also of sickness. Every youth who has been through the heartbreak zone have experienced two extremities of exultation and of grief. Love is also like life- the roller coaster ride of highs and lows, of crests and of abysms. The joy of anticipation of calls & of love messages, the sweet nothings whispered in the ears, the sensation of the first touch, hours of preparations before the meetings, the long phone calls and the even longer meetings, the childish pleasures in lying and hiding from everybody and then getting caught deliberately, the sense of security and belongingness that envelopes the couples- ahh! Nothing beats the moments of ecstasies, not even the knowledge that they won’t last forever & the sense of void that will be left thereafter in the heart. But who thinks about separation when the heart is doing somersaults and singing to the tunes of the violin? The experience of being in love- to be able to love and be loved, to care for someone and be cared for, craving to be with someone and know the feelings are reciprocated- the beauty lies in sharing and caring. The heart longs to listen to slow, romantic music while the thoughts always drift to a single person only. Everything looks complete and meaningful when you are with your special one, and you don’t need anyone else anymore. Somehow everything gets associated with them, and brings back scores of sweet bitter memories of conversations, meetings, secret jokes and what else and what not. Nothing can replace the long hours of sipping coffee together, hand in hand, lost deep into each others eyes, going for movies and not watching it, long drives, cuddling to each other, stealing kisses in between oblivious to the world, enjoying each other’s company in the cocooned world of lovers; life suddenly becomes all bright and rosy.

But these moments are always so short lived, as Neruda** puts it, “love is so short, forgetting is so long.” After the person makes a hasty exit from your life due to some misunderstandings or the other, suddenly the world goes topsy turvy and the walls of security crashes down. Feelings go awry, laden with guilt, regrets, pain, and tears, sudden mood swings, coupled with suicidal grief. A feeling of betrayal, sense of loss, frustration, hopelessness and above all helplessness develops, and suddenly it becomes all the more important to pick up the threads of life and reunite with family and friends who had all along lain neglected. But still that feeling of anguish does not go away so easily, and the questioning of self becomes more intensified. Dialling and redialling that number but never being able to muster up the courage to speak, going through all the old chats and emails and messages, visiting all the old places, promising to destroy the old memories in the form of cards and token gifts yet postponing the task… post break up period is not that easy to handle. Yet the point is that love is a journey, not the destination, so life needs to move on.

* i had a huge crush on someone, and it got crushed just like that. But this is not a personal story, neither has it emerged out of personal experiences. Its more inspired by an article i read in the newspaper around that time.
** i am a literature graduate, what else can be expected out of me?

Of Friends and Farewells

First things first... i wrote this peice a long time ago but forgot to update it (ya right i am that clumsy) and secondly its more in a conversational diary writing style. So do not expect somthing great out of this (as if you do, too bad, but it boosts up my ego to live in delusions.) Also the initial response to this write up wasn't exactly great, but still here i am posting this. Try and enjoy!!!

A few days ago, two of my best friends “just dropped by to say hi” (by the way one is a school friend and other a college buddy but they are friends too!!!) and brought along with them a few surprises… a cake, a card and a beautiful stuffed toy. That was for my farewell party, thrown exactly a month before I leave for Bangalore. After all the melodramatic songs and dances, followed by tear jerking promises to stay in touch, and planning what connections to take so that we can stay connected (the pie on the cake being my mum also shed a few tears, after all she also does not want to be left behind), I took them out for a gol gappa and ice cream treat (I was forced to) and a trip to my old school which my college friend wanted to undertake. As the school was closed (we are super intelligent, we went in the evening) we saw all the closed doors and windows, deserted passages and hallways, empty class rooms and black boards, and had the entire playground for ourselves, though there wasn’t anything that we could play.(now are you happy darling?) After sharing all the old anecdotes with her (mostly embarrassing, buddies never forget that!) we all thankfully came back home, me with my left over dignity (secretly I loved the trip, it was as if all my old memories came alive in an instant.)

Now my best friend Reema is threatening to write a diary sharing all the intricate details about my life (ya she’s my partner-in-crime and knows all about me, even the details of my school life, by the way do you remember shobha's mam's interpretation of 'comrade-in-arms' lolz) and that is also supposed to be my farewell gift (surprise mind u!!!) and also Chetan Bhagat’s latest offering, which she has already started reading before me (again a surprise, oh dear you are so good at keeping surprises from me, I simply love you… chuckles.) What I fear the most is that it’ll more turn out to be a sensational soul-baring autobiography, and all the pranks and jokes and double crosses will be exposed. Not to forget the loooong list of my crushes and “affairs” (her inventions completely)… ahh I am scared even at the thought of it. But I have my own ways of taking revenge and I am making her fill questionnaires (that’s her embarrassing part… woopiii!!!) Lets see what turns out in the final, by the time I am keeping my fingers crossed and counting my days out.

Hey, by the way, I also visited my relatives last week and the same tear jerking melodrama followed suit there as well (though it had its own brownie points… I did lots of shopping, watched several movies in the theatre, whatever I desired to eat was prepared and others had to bear that, I got a lot of gifts, visited lots of places and nobody asked for a treat in return too) and as for drama, my friends fondly call me ‘nautanki’ and ‘drama queen’, though I also think the same about them. Lolz. So that was how my past one month went. hope i have been able to summarise it justly and without divulging too many secrets.