Mirror of my Moods

Sach Ka Saamna… Part 3

2009-09-05T14:28:00.002-05:00

(Part 1 & 2 being already done by Ashish and Azra respectively.)

The rules are thus…
RULE 1
You can only say Guilty or Innocent
RULE 2
You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!

Nopes. I will give my explanations.

Ever kissed someone of the same sex?
Innocent. A casual peck on the cheek or a hug is all that my gal friends have got from me so far. I am very straight.

Asked someone to marry you?
Guilty. Yes, I have done that and meant it too.

Ever told a lie?
Totally guilty. BTW did I mention I can lie really well?

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back?
Innocent and Guilty, both. Actually I have never really had feelings for someone who did not have them for me first. But ya, had fellings for someone whom I got, then lost (and it continued forever) and have finally found him again!!! The future.. well nobody knows it.

Kissed a picture?
Guilty. Never of a guy or of a superstar, but of a very cute pup (The poster in my room, I kiss it like atleast a 100 times everyday). Can’t resist pups and kittens.. they are soooo very cute.

Slept in until 5 PM?
Innocent. The maximum I have slept has been till 2.30 PM when my mum comes home from her job. Not to mention the sound scolding I got after that!!!

Danced on a table in a bar?
Innocent. I am 22 and never been to a pub, disc, bar or even to a club. But that’s one thing I really really wanna do.. get stone drunk and dance on a table top.

Fallen asleep at work/school?
GUILTY. Absolutely. Totally. The ques. should have been who hasn’t???

Been suspended from school?
Guilty. Not from school, but from XIME. Me and Rahul were playing ‘missed calls’ game during a presentation, when suddenly our marketing teacher caught hold of Rahul’s cell and saw all my missed calls. Took us to the Dean and he suspended us for 3 days. Rahul cried, I did not. Well, he had a reason too, since the Dean also confiscated his cell, and read all his messages and checked his contact and call list (and he was our Ethics prof. in college.. duhuh!!). Anyways, I was very tensed at first (bcz that was my first suspension & I also had to pay a fine of Rs. 500) and then was very happy bcz that meant I got chutti for 3 days which I spent by getting up real late, having breakfast at Satkar, followed by a movie at Forum Mall and finally a dinner treat by my friends at Dominos. I was a real rockstar!!!

Worked at a fast food restaurant?
Innocent. Nah, thought about working in McD during my college days, but din’t get permission from dad. Thank god.

Stolen from a store?
Innocent. I am a real scare baby, could never muster up enough courage to do it.

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
Guilty. This always happens with me when I am having Coke.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
Innocent. I am not at all a snow person. I prefer beaches and mountains.

Kissed in the rain?
Innocent. We were walking on the road and it was raining, and I felt like kissing him on impulse. But I obviously didn’t bcz we were “just friends”… basically I am a coward.

Sat on a roof top?
Guilty. I totally loved the terrace of XIME girls’ hostel... it was on the 3^rd floor, no noise of traffic or anything could penetrate/disturb me and I used to sit there for like hours staring at the stars or the twinkling of lights at far off distance. It was also the place where I used to go to relax, to have some private moments with myself, and also to chat with friends or talk on the phone without being overheard by anyone. But I miss it the most bcz that’s where I used to cry too when I missed home or ‘someone’.

Sang in the shower?
Guilty. More than that, I love dancing in the shower with romantic songs being played in the background. That’s where I play out my romantic fantasies that I can’t really fulfil in reality.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
Innocent.

Made a girlfriend/boyfriend cry?
Guilty. I regret it. But couldn’t help it.

Shot a gun?
Innocent. I hope we are talking about real guns here, bcz I love to shoot water balloons at holi and the normal balloons at stalls where you get a prize in return.

Donated Blood?
Innocent. The only time I tried donating blood was in XIME. But they did not take mine bcz my weight was 3 kgs less than what they wanted. They did not even check my haemoglobin. But I really wanted to experience that feeling.

Eaten alligator meat?
Innocent. Please tell me who eats alligator meat except the guy on Discovery Channel (Man v/s Wild)

Still love someone you shouldn’t?
Guilty. Apparently the song’s that I am listening now says, “Maanga jo mera hai, jaata kya tera hai, maine kaunsi tujhse jannat maang li.. Kaisa khuda hai tu, bas naam ka hai tu, rabba jo teri itni si bhi na chali”…. lol

Liked someone, but will never tell who?
Guilty. I have never told my crushes that I used to like them. But if its serious, then I do tell them.

Been too honest?
Guilty. I always tell whatever I feel very strongly about. Never really bothered to stop and think about the consequences first.

Kissed someone you shouldn’t?
Innocent. Kisses are very special to me, I never do it unless I am very sure. Which means, unless I am TOTALLY IN LOVE.

Ruined a surprise?
Innocent. I have never knowingly ruined anybody’s surprise, but my surprises are ALWAYS ruined. So I understand the importance of surprises, each failure hurts a lot.

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterwards?
Guilty. We used to stuff ourselves to the brim with good hotel food when I was in XIME, Bangalore bcz the hostel food was inedible and our only salvation was outside food.

Erased someone from your friends list?
Guilty. I don’t do it a lot of times, but that means THE END to me. Only one person has been able to come back till now.

Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)?
Innocent. Even when I was an infant, I was dressed up in cute frocks and skirts to emphasise on the point that I am a GIRL (being the only one in my generation!!!)

Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said?
Guilty. A lot.

Had communication with your ex?
Guilty. More so bcz my “EX” was never really my ex.. I never stopped loving him or stopped having feelings for him. So he was never really my ‘past’, but was always my ‘present’, though I was totally hopeless about ‘future’. Well that’s what’s Love for me.. once there, always there. I am mushy in love. “Pehli baar mohabbat ki hai… Akhiri baar mohabbat ki hai… “

Got totally drunk on the night before exam?

Innocent. Leave exams, never been totally drunk in my life, but this does not imply that I havn’t tried drinks before.

I tag everyone who wants to have a little fun, and is not scared of speaking the truth.

Double update.. exams approaching!!! ;)

2009-06-30T14:38:00.004-05:00

1 A.M.

Online now.. yet nobody to talk to.. my entire gtalk list is offline...where's everyone??? Feeling lonely... wish to talk to someone (anyone actually) about completely random and mindless stuffs.. got a total of 93 entries in my phonebook, yet nobody to call at this time.. queer, isn't it? Feeling strange myself.. Why does it happen that when i want to talk, there's nobody; and when i am in a hurry/busy/not in a mood to talk, its only then i get sooo many calls and messages and buggings on gtalk(despite the DND sign)???

Life.. indeed thou are strangest of all.. I bow before you..

Let it RAIN....

2009-06-30T08:44:00.003-05:00

Rain..

clouds, pour out your feelings

uptil suppressed, feared, unacknowledged

Rain..

clouds, vent it out

and drench me in your feelings

let my tears dissapear in your raindrops

let them be one now

wash my sorrows away

Rain..

let the world never know the truth

and believe what they see

let them see only the beginning

and not the painful end

Rain..

die yourself and give birth to others

RAIN, RAIn, RAin, Rain, rain....

Tired...

2009-05-01T13:36:00.002-05:00

Tired… yes that’s exactly what I am right now.

Tired of running away from the truth.

Tired of avoiding it

When it stands in front of me

When I know the difference between a truth and a lie

And tired of facing it as well.

Tired of life

Of the world

Of myself

Of accepting things

Of denying things

Of being rude

Of fighting

Of being sorry

Of being hurt

Of hurting people

I am tired of love

Of friendship

Of my own people

Of complete strangers

Of acquaintances trying to get too close

I am tired of talking too much

And of being silent

Of the need to explain myself

Or to listen to explanations

I am tired of thinking whom I can speak to without being judged

Of avoiding people

And of getting avoided and ignored

Completely TIRED of life. Want to end it right away.

But I am tired of thinking about this too.

I cannot do it…. I am tired of being a coward

Tired of being brave too.

Tired of everything.

Tired of waiting…. Will it ever end?

Will it ever give me answers…. for my problems, for my excessive thinking, to what I am or want to be, of the questions I have never asked myself….

TIRED…. TIRED… TIRED.

Happy Birthday Bloggie... Muaahhhh

2009-04-27T13:55:00.004-05:00

27th april, 09

My blog completes a year according to the Hindu calender. Thats because on 8th May last year i started my blog on the auspicious day of Akshay Tritiya.. and yesterday it was Akshay Tritiya.. so my blog's completed a full circle.. And the stupid stupid me could'nt find time to wish it.. So here it goes...

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear bloggie, happy birthday to you!!! Thank you for always being there for me. I love you....

Dedicated to my pillow...

2009-04-02T03:48:00.003-05:00

Taking all the beatings and screaming I had to inflict on,

My best fighting partner,

But also being there when I needed to fall back or cuddle,

Protecting me from all the ugliness of the world,

Teaching me, coaching me and being my mentor,

Not only about the world but also about my relationships and outlook towards life,

Hearing me out always,

Talking me out of irrational decisions,

Always having a word of advice, but also being fun to be with,

Cracking jokes, making light of the situation,

But lending a supportive shoulder whenever I needed to cry,

Sometimes scolding, but patient and understanding all the same,

Sometimes talking sense, mostly non sense,

But entertaining all the same…

Thank you for always being there for me..

You made me what I am today!!!

P.S. Dedicated to that special person in my life, whom i fondly refer to as my 'pillow' because no matter how far i go, i'll always find him right there for me, as constant as the universe itself. Thank you dear!!!

THE MOST UNUSUAL LOVE STORY!!!

2009-03-26T08:01:00.000-05:00

Disgust at first site! Well that’s not exactly how a typical love story begins. Right? But then who said its typical? Normally it ought to be “love at first sight” or atleast “hatred at first sight” since “hate is the first step towards love” and blah blah blah! but “disgust”? Well it is actually possible if the person in question is lanky (the lankiest one you have ever seen), with legs like that of a chicken which is running all over the place (or cockroach it was?) and so funny (oops weird) looking, that your first reaction is to say “cheeeeee….yuckkk…. What is it?” and that’s exactly how I reacted the first time my mum showed me my kid brother, who’s by the way 6 years younger than me. It was heartbreaking for my mum, to say the least. It wasn’t going to be easy, I am sure she knew this much. But this reaction? And later I was also told that all my three mamas & masi had also reacted the same way. It was not that my bro was ugly looking or abnormal in any which way, its just that replacing the most adorable and pampered only girl child of the family is not easy. Also I must agree that (in all humility), I was all rosy and pinky and cute and had beautiful locks of hair on my head and quite plump when I was born (more like the kids of Johnson’s baby products ads) and on the contrary my bro was extremely thin, all white and completely bald. Not exactly a very charming sight! Also the first person to see us both the first time, after the doctors and nurses ofcourse, was my nani*, and even she exclaimed “Mou was better looking, no?” Well I told ya I am just way too spoilt. Did somebody just say that being the only girl of the family has its own advantages? Well I surely can’t agree more with this.

So after my mum brought him home (my nana*- nani’s place that is as per the traditions, where I was already staying that time so that my masi* can take care of me while my mum’s at the hospital.. that’s how much my nani trusted my dad to take care of me!), me and my youngest mama* got busy plotting to kill my bro, cook up his legs as we would cook up a chicken, and eat him up. Even after years, I would run after my bro saying that I would eat up his legs, and then act as if I have already done that, and he, the perfect dumbo, would run to my mum and complain. Then my mum would shoo us from the kitchen and then it was me v.s him again in the house. What all things have I not done to him? Thinking about it makes me laugh so hard that sometimes tears roll out of my eyes… ohh wait are they tears of happiness or a tinge of guilt is also there somewhere? Ahh well who cares? He’s my pet, my favourite toy. I had always wanted a kid sis, and since that did not happen, I used to dress up my bro as a girl, with full costumes, make up and accessories and make him dance for me while I always (ALWAYS) played the hero, or the villain or some other male character. I bullied him, I teased him, I irritated him, I fought with him, I slapped him, I beat him up black and blue, I hated him and yet he’s always loved me. Its not that he never fought back, and brutal fights those used to be, with each beating the other, pulling out hair, jumping, shouting, screaming, crying, howling, running wildly after each other… what else and what not. We fight even now, though these are more refined and sophisticated in manner, silent in nature and sporadic in occurrences. I always used to tease him that he’s not my parents’ biological child and that he got changed in the hospital due to some confusion. That story kept on developing and with the passage of time more and more characters kept on adding up. Sometimes he was a pup whom we adopted, sometimes a cub, at other time a kitten, calf, chick, cub.. anything that I liked. The best was the story I made up that he’s actually a piglet who used to live in the garbage dump off our block with his pig family, and one day I picked him up from there because I found him cute, washed him, coloured him in human complexion and with the help of medicines made him stand on two legs, elongated him and voila adopted him as my kid bro. I told him the story with such conviction and repeated it so many times, even got my parents and mamas n masi to validate it, that he actually believed it, and till a few years back all he knew was that he’s adopted. Ok ok now don’t hate me!!! I did all those things, but also saved him thousands of time from my parents and grandparents’ scoldings, allowed him to sit on my back while I became his horse, played with him whenever he was getting bored, praised his out- of- the- world drawings, watched cartoons with him, shared his secrets,danced and sang with him, took his side whenever he fought with his friends and made them apologise to him and accept that they were wrong ( DON type character that I was I somehow always managed to scare off his friends!)

Grown up with a feeling of jealousy and a resentment that everyone loves me more than him (which is true by the way) and me always touted as ‘The Ideal Child’ who’s good in everything, be it in academics, social manners, relationships etc. and he a ‘Loser’ (not exactly but ya.. I am wicked) right now he’s trying his best to beat my board score so that now people would know that he’s better than me, get the latest and most expensive mobile as a gift from me and generally show the world that he’s something at last, an individual to say the least. I have never seen him working so hard before, so dedicated, such determination.. I just hope he scores well and I am actually praying that he beats me, and this unhealthy jealousy at last takes some positive results.

Now that he turned 16 this March 4^th, I suddenly realised how fast time flies away when you don’t want someone to grow up. He’s an adolescent now. Almost on the verge of adulthood. My bro, my little pet.. and now a Man. The feeling is quite strange actually. He has become more matured and understands things better, me included, teases me more about my love affairs, secrets have transited from whom we hate/dislike to whom we like/love or have crushes on, about studies and careers, and future decisions. But this is not what I want. I still want him to be his sweet, innocent and kiddo self, whom I can pamper, protect, fuss about and generally feel great about. After I have come to Bangalore, I have this feeling that we have grown fonder of each other. I sometimes cry at night when I see how much he has matured, and just pray that he doesn’t fall into bad company that would erode away his innocence.

I might have never told him that I love him, I care for him the most.. and I am sure I never will accept this, but today I just want to say it all here where he cannot read it. Gappu, I love you the most, truly. No matter I show it or not, I just want you to know this. You have always been good to me, the best I would say. You are the greatest brother anyone can ever ask for, and sometimes I think I don’t deserve you but I know I am lucky to have you. I love you. And no matter how much I show my irritation when you hug me tightly or plant wet kisses on my cheeks, I never want you to stop doing that. You have always been my closest confidant, and I promise I’ll remain true to you always, and never tell mum or dad about your secrets. It has been, and always been between us two.

As I said, the most unusual love story.

P.S. Nana= maternal grandpa, nani= maternal grandma, Mama= maternal uncle and Masi= maternal aunt. I am close to all of them.

Tonight I Can write... By Pablo Neruda

2009-01-15T05:47:00.004-06:00

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, ‘the night is shattered

And the blue stars shiver in the distance.’

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.

I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, and sometimes I loved her too.

How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.

And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.

The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.

My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.

My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.

We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.

My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another’s. She will be another’s. Like my kisses before.

Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.

Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms.

My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer

And these the last verses that I write for her.

P.S. I did not write this. Cant even come closer to the genius. I read this poem in my last year of graduation, and it struck me as the most beautiful, passionate and romantic poem I have ever read. So just thought about sharing it with everybody who have till now not being fortunate enough to read it. Also the lovers of poetry can sometimes go through the poems of Browning and Tennyson.. They write fantastically well. Also everybody must have heard the name of Shakespeare.. Just read his 'Tragic Dramas', they are mind blowing. Also his sonnets.

Cute? Is that your problem?

2009-01-13T08:23:00.003-06:00

Why do guys mind being called ‘cute’? I mean when you appreciate honesty in a girl, and praise her when she dares to call a spade a spade on the face; then what is the big deal about her calling you ‘cute’ when she actually does find you cute? This is one question that has never failed to baffle me, and I am desperately trying to search for its answer. See, agreed, that my definition of “cute” differs from others, but then I am entitled to have my own opinions. I find a friend of mine very very cute (and he hates the tag, and jokes about it), I even find pups, kitties and small babies very cute (especially the roly poly ones.. the latest being the baby Krishna.. he’s too cute and I am in love with him.) In the institute there’s a guy who looks like a cute grown up baby and I have christened him Cutie Pie.. But I am not supposed to call him that in public. Why? Because he thinks only girls can be called cute. His best friend tells me that it hurts his male ego. So does manliness lies in looking macho? Just in that? AJ said that, “Cute sounds a touch girly. Guys would better be known as tough, rough, macho etc. So they would like if you find them cute but hate it if you say so in public. Male ego.” I say bullshit. I give nick names to all my friends who are really special to me, and prefer being called by my nick name only by them. That’s my way of showing that I care. That they are close to me. That they mean something to me. But no.. now I know how true it is that girls are from venus and boys are from mars. Huh. I mean girls love it if they are given a pet name, but boys… they smirk and make a face. I guess “boys will be boys.” Its not only very difficult to understand girls, but guys for me are incomprehensible as well.

Why??

2008-12-08T09:30:00.008-06:00

I just came back to my room and thought of sharing a small thought of mine with everyone...

As I was having dinner with my friends today, invariably our discussion turned towards the Mumbai terror attacks and how Bangalore is also under threat (apparently our Presi got a mail from the police department today stating that Electronic City is under scanner, and so we all need to be extra careful, and henceforth a lot of restrictions have been imposed upon us till the situation cools off.) Everybody was discussing a lot of ideas, and prominently amongst them was that somehow Muslims have always had a part in it, and how bombing Pakistan would solve half the world’s problems. On this I debated fervently because personally I have known and still know so many of them that I strongly feel that no particular sect or country is responsible for terrorism. The people of Pakistan are as guiltless of these attacks as are the people of India. They are not at fault for their government’s doings. Even if Pak is bombed, is it going to solve the problem? I don’t think so. Has the problem of terrorism been resolved after the US- Iraq war? No. Only lakhs of innocent citizens were killed and property and resources worth millions of dollars was blown up. The terrorists are still there, very much active despite the tight security of so many countries (suddenly I am reminded of Don’s dialogue, “Don ka intezaar to gyarah mulkon ki police kar rahi hai; par Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi, namumkin hai”) and despite the government having confirmed intelligence reports about the terror attacks, they still manage to attack the financial capital of India, and not only that but also hold hostages for more than 3 days in prime locations like Taj hotel, Trident hotel, Nariman point and all. The first people who are saved in the wars are the terrorist groups, thanks to their networking, and only innocent people get killed. Ever paid notice to our National song, ‘Saare jahan se achcha’? It says, “mazhab nahi sikhata, aapas me bair rakhna…” It means that violence is not preached by any religion, and no sacred book contains the message of sacrifice in the name of God, or country or religion or freedom. It’s the people who get these weird notions in their heads and the entire community is held responsible for the misdoings of a handful of them. Its time we stop blaming each other, and unite in the face of crisis.

Either Do.. or dont complain.

2008-12-06T23:33:00.001-06:00

It’s been a long time since I have updated my blog. Why? Just because I had nothing worthwhile to share. Life was moving at its own pace and I was breathlessly and pantingly trying to catch up with it. And then the terror attacks on Mumbai happened, and shook the entire world, literally. And in response it seemed like the entire blog community was abuzz with updates about how India should no longer take things lying down and gear up for action. But personally did it affect me? Not much. Infact I wont be exaggerating if I say it just did not affect me at all. It was the usual business here on the campus. Classes, assignments, projects, presentations, write ups, and then having the evening for ourselves. Discussions still surrounded lay offs, GDPs, profit margins, mergers and acquisitions, bankruptcy, India and china and other BRIC countries, the stock market crash of the US and how its affecting India and all. Once in a while we did discuss about terrorism, and had a presentation on it in CBE as well, but after that we went about in our own usual business. Since nothing really happened to me or to my family and friends, I was nonchalant as to what was happening to the rest of the world. Also since I just got to catch the news on TV, say like for 10 minutes each day (ya we live in dark ages), I did not think much about it. I got most of the news through the official websites of the newspapers, and they were sans any melodrama about the grieving families, bullet by bullet news, or of reporters who had not changed their clothes for more than 48 hours or so. Since the pivotal role of media was limited to giving only relevant news, I did not get angry about their show offs and how they were just making money from a national crisis.

But yes what really made me realise the gravity of the problem were the forwards and bulk scraps (in other words ‘spams’) that were bombarded on me from all the possible corners, urging us (the youth) to take actions. My question here is will it help? I don’t think so. Atleast I cant see anything happening. You are just doing what you have been protesting against- lamely blaming the government, the police force, the politicians, media, praising the army(NSG)… what else and what not? But is any action been taken? Nopes. The online signed petions, forwarded bulk mails and scraps and messages.. People it just wont help. We actually need to unite and do something. Just the drawing room discussions about how India should do something, we need better politicians and should India go for the war or not wont help much. Just as discussions about how cricketers should play better doesn’t help in winning matches on the field, in the same way only discussions about probable strategies to combat terrorism wont make a damn difference. If I cannot do something, or rather not doing something presently, I atleast spare other people from the bombardment of spams. But I strongly feel that as a nation we are pretty laid back. If it doesn’t affect me, I wont be bothered with it. Aam aadmi ko sab chalta hai. We have a spirit to bounce back. The spirit of Mumbai will bring it back to life. BULLSHIT. We bounce back because we have no other option. We are devoid of any alternatives. Whatever happens we are expected to go about our usual business of either studying or of making money. Nothing, and here I do mean nothing, not even wars or natural calamities, can make us stop and realise our weaknesses. We have loopholes and we have accepted it. To do something about it is just not our cup of tea. We are the followers of Mahatma Gandhi.. we believe in non violence and just accepting whatever we have got. Good, suit yourself. But then please don’t complain or crib about it in every party or meeting with friends. Either do something, or you just have no right to speak. Try and if you fail, then nobody can blame you. But without even trying to do anything or just waiting for the US to do something doesn’t amount to much doing. I guess I can rest my case here. Thank you for bearing with me.

Frustated me in the Eco. class.. MBA unravelled!!

2008-11-17T00:32:00.002-06:00

“ As he traversed on the cubaneous superstrabum of the progeny of musa sapientum, his verticality was transformed into horizontality.”

In short he stepped on a banana peel, and fell down.

But we MBA students will not speak in the latter way because its easier to understand, and anybody, read ANYBODY, can read it. So we sprinkle in a lot of jargons, cook the information over the fire of facts and figures, add a teaspoonful of data, a pinch of PPTs and voila! you have the perfect recipe to confuse people with your powerful oration. Similarly, here we don’t “reject a null hypothesis”… we simply “not accept the NH.” Now will someone please volunteer to explain what the hell is the difference between the two? Well I can at least give you a hint: Its 5 marks out of 40. That’s it. Period. Here we major in other subjects or not, we are made experts in preparing PPTs, giving presentations, debating on world issues and working on excel sheets. Thats it. You see its all about "creating" demands, and then confusing the bussinesses & consumers that its The Most Important thing, and cannnot be achieved without our help. So here we go.. Looting money/sucking money out of people, and then saying "Here, we cracked the deal". Confusion and self importance is the way to make money.. seize the oppurtunity today, because competition sells before you.

And the side effects are that since we have wireless here and the speed is pretty decent (touch wood! Boys hostel does'nt have a net connection btw), in the name of "observation & experimentation & research", we end up wasting a lot of time over the net chatting, downloading music and exchanging movies. And creating a big ruckus when IT department blocks orkut & other such social sites under the heading "Matrimonial & Social Interaction sites"... Matrimonial... pahleeeesssss... give us a break! Recently we are on a 'Remove our lecturer' mission against one women.. but as i can foresee its not gonna help. Just increased our workload thats it. And a lot of suspensions, out -of -hostel-and -placement orders as well (ofcourse "taking the lenient view")... here we have one hell of a rebel batch. Actually its also a part of our corporate learning in the form of Labour Union training and stuff....

Dunno what i have been going on blabbering all this while.. But then the title itself says, "The frustated me"... cant really help it. Cheers!!!

I MISS YOU… Still…

2008-11-13T10:50:00.005-06:00

I miss you when I cry,
Because you are no more there to hold me,
I miss you when I am happy,
Because you are no more there to share it with me,
I miss you when I m troubled,
Because you are no more there to understand me.
I miss you when it rains,
Because you are no more there to tease me.
I miss you when I am awake,
Because you are no more there to talk to.
I miss you when am trying to sleep,
Because you are no more there to text me good night.
I miss you when I am asleep,
Because you are no more there in my dreams.

I miss you all the time,
But especially when I think of all the good times we spent together,
And now I realize how I have lost them,
They were the best moments I spent with you.
I try to hear the raindrops falling on the roof,
But all I hear are my tears falling on the cheeks,
And know that I am missing you.

It felt so good when you said am special and close to you,
You made me feel like an angel,
We used to talk for hours on the phone, and meet on every weekend,
And after every meeting it felt like a dream.
Friendship was everything, and love heaven.

I miss our phone calls at all hours of day and night,
Our walks in the park and on the road,
Our bus rides, and bus stop dates,
Our CCD and McD hangouts,
Planning for the future in Taj suites,
Our messages and chats,
Our sharing, our caring for each other,
Our code words, and laughing on each other’s friends,
Joking about rains and clouds,
Telling each other everything that happened during the day,
No matter how immaterial that might be,
We could not survive without each other,
And now we cannot live with each other.
Now our fights have become more important than our friendship,
Love ruined everything.

Now that you are gone, it pains to think
Not only have I lost my love, but my best friend as well.
It hurts to miss you,
Hurts to think about the wrong choices I made- too late I realised,
Too many mistakes, and I lost you forever.
But you have not lost my love,
You are my world, my haven
I can never forget you,
And it breaks my heart everyday,
To think I don’t have you, and can never have you,
Yet I miss you.

Its more like the lyrics of “I need you” by Marc Anthony,

" Oh baby, I need you
For the rest of my life, boy
I need you
To make everything right, boy
I love you
And I'll never deny that
I need you..."

P.S. This is neither a poem, nor a prose. This has no rhyme or rhythm. It has got nothing, saying in the traditional sense, just my raw feelings for my best friend whom i lost to time and circumstances.

Sounds & Music... Its Magik... ROCK ON !!!

2008-10-02T11:03:00.013-05:00

Now that my blog shows that its been 3 weeks since i have updated it, and a lot of my well wishers have also pointed out the obvious to me, here i am with an update. But honestly i dont have something really interesting or intelligent to write about, so am doing the musical tag (i was tagged like in my last birth, but i chose to ignore it then, so that other than fighting and later apologising i can do something constructive in this birth as well..) So cutting the chase short lets straight get down to business...

The rules of the game are pretty simple. First of all, put your MP3 player/media player on shuffle. For each question, press the next button for your answer. You should write the song down, NO MATTER WHAT and hey, NO CHEATING!!!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?", YOU SAY?

Meherbaan- Jal. In other situations i would normally have told the truth, but now the song says, "Tere bina main bezameen, tere bina main beaasmaan.. tu hatheli, main henna.. aaj aelaan yeh kar denge, ek hain ek rahenge...." I guess this means whatever you say darling is right.

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

Aawarapan banjarapan- Jism. "Aawarapan, banjarapan, ek khala hai seene me.. Iss dharti par jis pal suraj roz savere ugta hai, apne liye to roz usi pal dhala hai seene me.. jaane yeh kaisi aag lagi hai, iss me dhuan na chingari, ho na ho iss pal koi khwab jala hai seene me.." This means i am nomadic and a night person. I prefer to watch movies on my laptop when everybody in my hostel is fast asleep, and then have problems getting up early in the morning. In this trimester, i have also specialised in dozing off in between the lectures, you see i am on the last bench again, so no audio or video interference from the lecturers disturb me.

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Kuch is tarah- Atif. "Kuch iss tarah teri palkein meri palkon se mila de, aansun tere saare meri palkon pe saaja de... tu har ghadi har waqt mere saath raha hai, haan yeh jism kabhi door kabhi paas raha hai, jo bhi gam hai tere unhe tu mera pata de... mujhko to tere chehre pe yeh gam nahi jachta, jayaz nahi lagta mujhe gam se tera rishta.." I like honesty and straight forwardness in people. But for the person i like/love its mandatory to share his (i am straight, no doubts on that.) problems with me; this makes me feel better and close to that person. And if i cannot solve things, i can atleast be with him (not physically but emotionally)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

Ahista ahista- Bachna ae hasino. "Ahista ahista mujhe yakeen ho gaya, ahista ahista yeh dil yahin kho gaya.. hua yeh pehli baar, mujhe ho gaya hai pyaar... " Ya i am in love, totally and completely love struck. And quite evident from my playlist, i am a little mushy and romantic by nature.

5. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE?

Ae zindagi gale laga le- Sadma. "Ae zindagi gale laga le, hum ne bhi tere har gam ko gale lagaya hai.." Tackle the problems head on, nothing matters very much and few things matter at all. Though i get very agitated at first, but in the long run, beleive me, time clears the debris on its own.

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Lonely- Akon. "I really wanna make things right, because without you my life's so lonely..." Making everything so right, that my loved ones are never in any kind of trouble. I am made up of my family and friends who surround me, without whom i am all incomplete and lost.

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Bandagi- Drona. "Palchhin palchhin uljhi uljhi ek raina, dhankan dhadkan bikhre bikhre se chaina, milo chale hai gumsum yeh khamoshi, kitna bhi samjhaon yeh manena.. iss dil me goonje reh reh kar aur bijli sagar jaisa aur hairaan kare par reh jaaye badal yeh bin barse..." My best friend's only complain is that i dont speak up my problems or my emotions, i expect too much to be understood by way of silences.

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

Baahon ke darmiyan- Khamoshi. "Baahon ke darmiyan, do pyaar mil rahe hain.. " Lets just say that the love nest my parents have made for me and my bro is the safest haven of all places on the world.

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Ae mere humsafar- Qayamat se qayamat tak. "Ab hai judaai ka mausam do pal ka mehmaan, kaise na jaiga andhera, kyon na thamega tufan, kaisa na milegi manzil pyar ki.. " One of the dialogues of Laws of attraction goes on like this, 'So one little hiccup and we give in? Fight for what you beleive in. Fight fair, fight dirty, but fight. Fight to save your love." I totally beleive in it. Leaving should never be an option, if it is, then you'll never fight hard enough to make the things work. The song from the same movie (I watched it yesterday, its hang over's still on!!) says, "Then that time i went and said goodbye; Oh! now i am back and not ashamed to cry; Oh baby here i am; Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm Yours."

10. WHAT IS 2+2?

Zara zara- Rehna hai tere dil me. Can't really make out anything out of it. Guess i should have selected the songs keeping in mind the questions, or atleast cheated a bit to come up with a really suitable answer.

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Teri ore- Singh is king. "Dil kho gaya, ho gaya kisi ka, ab raasta mil gaya khushi ka, aankhon me hai khwab sa kisi ka, ab raasta mil gaya khushi ka, rishta naya rabba dil choo raha hai, khiche mujhe koi dor, teri ore..." I am attracted to both of them for their ability to make me laugh and spread goodness all around. By the way this is the only decent song from this movie.

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Take me home country roads- John Denver. "Country roads take me home, to the place i belong, West Virginia (New Delhi), mountain mama take me home.. all my memory gather around her (him).. " Its in Delhi that we first met, and have all the fond memories of that place and that time. How i wish i never had to come down to Bangalore.

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Hamein itna pyaar- Jal. "Hamein itna pyaar na karo ki hum mar jaye, humein itna tanha na karo ki jee na paye.. koi dil ka karaar jaane na, koi mann ki yeh baat bataye na, koi ankhon hi ankhon me keh de yeh baat.. " I work in extreme cases; either i am totally into a person or the person does not matter to me at all. Same with situations. So those who are close to me understand me and for others i am and will always remain an enigma. Pretty simple, no?

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Yeh tumhari meri baatein- Rock on. "Yeh tumhari meri baatein yuhi chalti rahe.. beete yuhi apne saare din raat, baaton se nikalti rahe nayi baat, phir wahi baate leke geet koi hum likhe, jo dil ko haan sabke dil ko choo le, baatein suron me yuhi pighalti rahe, baatein geeton me yuhi dhalti rahe.." Famous and successful and satisfied. Much talked about amongst people (positively ofcourse) is also on the list.

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Hum tum- Hum tum. "Saanson ko saanson me dhalne do zara, dheemi si dhadkan ko badhne do zara, lamhon ki guzarish hai yeh paas aa jaye, hum tum... aankhon me humko utarne do zara, baahon me humko pighalne do zara, lamhon ki guzarish hai yeh paas aaye zara.." Isn't it self explanatory? Lolz.

16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Khuda jaane- Bachna ae hasino. "Sajde me yuhi jhukta hoon, tum pe hi aake rukta hoon, kya yeh sabko hota hai.. hum ko kya lena hai sabse, tum se hi sab baatein ab se, ban gaye ho tum meri dua.." I am very important to my parents, as much as they are to me. Only they matter, and what they think matters to me. Nothing more, nothing less.

17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Jaane Kyon- Dostana. "Tu hai to tedi meri raahein, ulti pulti baatein, seethi lagti hai; tu hai to jhoote moote vaade, dushman ke iraade sachche lagte hai, dil me jo taare waare de jagah tu hi hai, jo rote rote de hasa tu hi hai, jaane kyon dil jaata hai, tu hai to i'll be all right.. saari duniya ek taraf ek taraf hain hum.." I hope the person i marry will be my best friend, around whom i'll be all right.. We both will make things all right for us.

18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Kal ho na ho- Kal ho na ho. "Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi, chaon hai kabhi, kabhi hai dhoop zindagi, har pal yahan jee bhar jiyo, jo hai sama kal ho na ho..' Perfect song for perfect occassion. Live and Laugh, the life's too short to be taken seriously.

19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Kahin to- Jaane tu ja jaane na. "Jaane na kahan woh duniya hai, jaane na woh hai ki ya nahi.." In short d-r-e-a-m-i-n-g.

20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Phir dekhiye- Rock on. "Ankhon me jiske, koi to khwab hai, khush hai wahi jo thoda betaab hai, zindagi me koi aarzu kijiye, phir dekhiye.. hoonthon pe jiske koi to geet hai, wo haare bhi to uski hi jeet hai..." To confess i am the least carrer oriented and most carefree person you'll find around, but now maybe i have understood the value of some of the things that i used to take for granted earlier.

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Nazrein milana- Jaane tu ya jaane na. "Dil kabhi ganda, kabhi hai ek banda, dil ka bharosa kaise koi kare; dil kabhi thanda, kabhi hai atom bomb sa, yeh dhamaka kaise koi sahe; dil ki yahi khata hai, dil ko nahi pata hai; ki dil chahta hai kya?" Firstly my friends are as bindaas as is the group in this movie, we totally care and value and respect each other... and are equally clueless about the world that looks at us. Touch wood!

22. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF?

Mausam- Kidnap. "Mausam yeh awesome bada, jadoo chha gaya.." I think this song describes the weather, and the weather here in blore is awesome most of the time. But where do i feature in the scheme of things? Maybe where i get happy seeing the awesome mausam, and put off by incessant rains or scorching sun..

23. WHAT WILL YOU NAME YOUR POST?

U, Me aur Hum- U, me aur hum. "I am kind of feeling incomplete in my heart, and we can never be apart; you make me feel complete bcz you are a part of me.." This song more suits ques. no. 15, but nonetheless i'll dedicate this song to my blog as well. Too good song by the way.

24. WHAT SONG ARE YOU? (I am repeating Azra's ques.. she tagged me after all..)

Tum ho to- Rock on. "Tum ho to, gaata hai dil; tum nahi to geet kahan; tum ho to sab haasil, tum nahi to kya hai yahan; tum ho to sapno ke jaisa hai haseen yeh samaa..." Main to apni favourite hoon. Period.

P.S. I did not cheat. Some songs really suited the ques but i am plain lucky in this matter i guess. The playlist is titled, MD Soft.

Birthday Celebrations...

2008-09-07T00:31:00.002-05:00

Its a happy happy birthday season here it seems.. everyday there's a birthday celebration and lots of creamy cakes to eat.. and also to smear on each other's face.. must say its real FUN!!!Seems like almost our entire batch comes under the Virgo sunsign, and have their birthdays either by the end of august, or in early September... Did someone mention Kismet Konnection??

Starting from 28th last month, (yups my birthday when i turned 21.. achieved the legal drinking age [;)] not that i am gonna drink now, but sounds kewl, no? lolz) my first birthday away from family and friends but everybody here made the day so special and me feel like a princess that to confess i did not miss home so much.. At the stroke of midnight, all the girls of my floor wished me and came along with cards and a yummy cake (which i cut, a bigggg piece forcibly put into my mouth, and the rest smeared all over my face, neck, shoulders and hair.. that was the ulti start to the ulti day). And from that time on to 3 in the morning, i was over the phone collecting all the best wishes of my friends.. still missed 13 calls! The best part throughout the day was that my old school friends, college friends, CL friends, tuition friends, friends i have made here, my entire clan including uncles, aunties, cousins, grandmoms and grand dads... everybody whom i could remember wished me.. oh man staying away from home has its own benefits. ;)

Starting the day with the blessings of God, and then with a few absent teachers (which means a lot of free periods and lots of time to enjoy with friends, to take on a few more calls, leg pulling sessions, planning for surprises which i already knew, and a looong phone chat with Reema; my day was going perfect...) Even the mess people conspired to give me a big gift.. ya spent a lot of money on the treat because the food was.. whatever... though it was worth it! In the entire day there was not a single dull moment, or 15 minutes without me saying "thank you" over the phone or in person or typing it out in the message box.

And that is not all... the icing on the cake was the evening celebration where the entire batch of 120 people (more or less.. attendence was'nt compulsory you see... lolz) turned up to wish me. Firstly i was made to stand on the top of a wall, and give a "short speech" on 'myself and my experiences in XIME till now', which was promptly followed by my "roomies' speak session" where they divulged all my secrets of how i am always the last one to get up in the morning, and the second to hit the bed in the afternoon and at night (KK beats me in this.. damn good motivator she is) and how each sentence of mine is superceded by words like "bada wala", or "solid wala" and "shoo"... After what it seemed like hours later, i finally got around to cut the cake.. Ofcourse as soon as i did that, i was in BIG problem.. it looked as if everyone wanted either to put the cake on my face or hair, or choke me with a big peice in my mouth... KK laid the foundation stone and others gladly followed.. I tell you she's gonna be a great leader one day... That day i got to know how many creative people we have in our batch and how good each one is in face painting, each hitting me with a vengeance.. lolz...

But all in all it was a great great day which i enjoyed till the end. Not to forget the next day which was my roomie cum momma cum warden's birthday (ya Mahi) which we all celebrated in a big way as well, followed by birthdays of others..

Its real fun, and the free fruit massage that we get is too good too...

TAG: The saving grace of my blog.

2008-09-04T07:30:00.004-05:00

02:08 04-09-2008
Ya.. since last night i could not sleep, and had nothing constructive to do, so here's my tag..

1. The thing you have realised recently?
That the true worth of a thing/person is understood only when its irrevocably lost. And that, by default, includes T-R-U-S-T.

2. Have you given your first kiss away?
Yes.

3. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 11 blog buddies you would take?

Firstly I dont have 11 blog friends. Secondly, I would like to take Reema along, who also happens to be my best friend and as we often joke about, "my alter ego." Also i would like to take Ashu along because she's fun to be with, and would very easily fit into our mad mad group!

4. Where is the place you want to go the most?
Well a lot of places to be frank, but to be precise and within a year, would be Kerela.

5. If you have one dream to come true, what would it be?
That I could understand what people are thinking about.

6. Do you believe in seeing the rainbow after the rain?
Yes. I do want to see the pearls of laughter ie the rainbow, after a heavy shower. But literally never seen a rainbow in my life. Not in delhi, not even in bangalore where it rains almost everyday.

7. What are you afraid of losing the most now?
My sanity and my very being.

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Shopping, shopping and more of shopping.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Most definately YES.

10. List out 3 good points about the person who tagged you.
Pretty easy.. Well azra's very sweet, honest and fun to be with. Whats she's in her real life is what she writes about. No conflicts or pretence there.

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Honesty, commitment and understanding.

12. What type of people do you hate the most?
Hypocrites, people who dont know how to give others' their space and people who show off.

13. What is the one thing you can't live without?
My clear conscience.

14. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
Depends on the manner its spoken, and who speaks it. If the purpose is to correct me, then you are most welcome. If its to show off, sorry boss, i am not game for it.

15. Are you a shopalcolic or not?
Depends on who's paying.

16. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you.
Cute.

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
My ego and my habit of over- analysing things.

18. What’s the last shocking thing you've seen or heard?
Lots. Can't reveal it in public though.

19. Would you rather have love but no money or money but no love?
Both love and money are equally important for me, but if i have to choose one day i'll choose my love over everything else. To be with the love of my life, i can move mountains. Honestly.

20. People I tag.
Got to be Reema.. She has not updated her blog since like centuries. I know we do things alike, but i update my blog atleast once a year. So darling, pull up yourself, no more excuses, and WRITE somthing for Heaven's sake.

Happy Friendship Day!!!

2008-08-03T06:50:00.003-05:00

Happy Friendship Day to all.. Read it in some ecard that friends shoo away the unpleasantness of life, and bring back the lost smile.. Well i could not have agreed more with it. Staying away from home and family and friends, and from everyone and everything thats familiar to me, i can actually understand the meaning and importance of these small things that i had taken for granted until few months ago, and those which look so precious to me now.. Missing my friends and family a lot today.. and especially my school and college friends who made it a point to wish me early in the morning when i was sleeping (kamine mere door hone ka poora faida utha rahe hain.. koi na i am coming in september end, tab sab pyar mohabbat dekh lenge.. lolzzzz... but seriously buddy thank u all... love you and i am missing you all... )

The best part is that i went out to have my breakfast and lunch and enjoyed a lot.. i guess i do have a real good choice when it comes to making friends... my new set of institute friends are great and fun to be with.

Also the pressure of studies and assignments is mounting up, with our mid terms barely 10 days away, but i am still chilled out.. Wondering when will i start slogging and be serious regarding my studies (and study till 2 at night, rather than chatting).. Is it because i have got everything very easily in life and so don't value them or am i so very easy going person who prefers taking life very light? Whatever it maybe, one thing is for sure, I NEED TO STUDY! So you might ask who has stopped me? Go ahead and do it. But nah!!! Not in the mood now!!

Hey, by the way, if you all still hav'nt noticed, i have changed the appearance of my blog. So how have you all liked it? Please drop by your constructive comments, and what more features would you like to see in this blog.. Your feedbacks would be highly valued. (Somebody's going all MBAish... Yipee....)

Anniversaries and parties!!!

2008-07-30T11:54:00.000-05:00

Last week on 23rd July, I completed one full month here… so it’s a happy one month anniversary to me, oops sorry to everyone around here who have braved 30 days in this course. And guess what? Me and my roomies celebrated it in the true MBA spirit.. yap by making assignments, preparing PPTs n writing reports. Celebrations aren’t for us I guess. But we did hug each other, and actually blurted out almost at the same time that it doesn’t seem to be just a relationship of 1 month, it looks like we have known each other for a pretty long time. The way we have adjusted and gotten used to each other’s way often reminds me of the manner new born kittens comfortably curl up with each other and form a circle which gets impenetrable. Having good friends and room mates can only cure homesickness when you are away from home and miss your family and old friends terribly. Also I miss my mum and her kitchen at least thrice a day when we are served either completely burnt food or undercooked ones, either the food’s completely bland or too spicy to eat, and the taste’s too mixed to distinguish one food item from another. I guess this training in hostel life was necessary for me to understand and appreciate the importance of home and family. By the way now we have decided to alternate each week between “complain and cribbing week” and “no complain- no cribbing week” so that we curse our destinies for one week and the next feel thankful to at least get food thrice a day as against the millions who starve and have not the privilege of having food and safe drinking water. That way we balance out our frustration and social consciousness.

Last Friday we had fresher’s party (after one full month) but the wait was worth each day… the party was awesome and I enjoyed till hilt. Danced from 7 in the evening to 11 at night, the music was great and the food yummy.. But after that had difficulty getting up the next morning, and my legs ached for two entire days! But no complains because I am ready to repeat the exercise yet again. Suddenly MBA’s looking very interesting. And the discussions that took place in the class in the next day (we got a period off) was ultimate.. we pulled each other’s legs, imitated how one danced the previous night and clicked photos of the people sleeping during that time (to be converted into a yet another PPT for next year’s Parichay.) But it was truly fun and the interaction that takes place during the 10 minutes break after each session takes away the boredom and refreshes for the next boring lecture. And our favourite pastime includes teaching Tamil and Malayalam students how to speak hindi and they in turn teach me how to speak tamil. Its real fun I tell you. The accents and pronunciation vary so much that it becomes a constant source of entertainment for us. I totally love my class.

BOOKS

2008-07-22T11:54:00.003-05:00

I often wonder that the people who claim not having the patience of sitting at a place and spending their time idle as an excuse for not reading books know what they are missing. I mean right now I am reading Paulo Coelho’s Eleven Minutes, and despite its sensual plot, the description of the feelings of love and despair, the loneliness especially when you are surrounded by people, and the feeling of not owning anyone, has struck a chord with me. Indeed falling in love is a great feeling, but it leaves a person totally shattered after it’s over, no matter how short the duration of love itself maybe. But that’s not my point here; the main point is that fiction (in general) always somehow seems to interpret the feelings correctly. If you are happy, the protagonist(s) will share your happiness, while the same people seem to be a part of your foul mood as well. A single book can be understood and interpreted in so many different ways depending upon the perception of the person reading it, and yet each interpretation sounds as true as the other one. Strange, but just like films, the books too make us involve in their plot, and evolve with them as the case maybe. People say that the truest and instinctive feelings come not from heart, but from your guts (Thank God, otherwise I always used to think that I am a one up feeling from my stomach, but I guess that just shows the intensity of my feelings, and the passion behind it, and I always feel pain and love from my guts), and after reading a brilliant piece I feel from my guts. Yap that’s how a compulsive reader I am, I get totally and absolutely absorbed in the book I am reading. I cry and laugh with it, feel for the people and also try to understand others better after that. Some people prefer reading e-books but I still feel the personal feeling of reading a book physically (and not virtually) and the involvement with it can’t be replaced with anything else, and absolutely not by reading the summary of books on the Wikipedia. That feeling what the readers feel after reading a really good piece just cannot be expressed in mere words, the feeling needs to be experienced first hand, and I pity those who don’t like reading. I mean how somebody can not like and enjoy reading? I am myself against forced reading, but my idyllic holiday necessarily includes leisure reading of novels. Being the moody person that I am, I think books have always been my best choice of company because they cater to my mood swings and keep me at bay from thinking about other painful things of life (I never forget the best memories). Indeed the quote (which is kind of compulsorily displayed in every library and reading room, don’t know why) about books being our best friends, holds some true value after all.

JUST LIKE THAT...

2008-07-13T12:15:00.005-05:00

So I am back!!! And despite trying to be very sweet and politically correct and all, I realised I am better off the way I am. And I can't change myself for some people whom I don't even know properly. So the people who have an objection from my blog, well thats your problem. Take a walk if you wish to, and mind your own business. I write for my own recreation, and slowly have become really passionately attached to it, and am not going to abandon it for anyone. And having said that, I want to take this oppurtunity to say that I never doubted Xime's capabilities in churning out good managers year aftr year, and the last post was meant to be taken lightly, but none-the-less it got so much of free publicity and i got many new readers. Lolz... No ya it ws no publicity stunt and I have no "understanding" with the seniors. It may have looked a bit of over reaction, bt it was completely by their own choice... I had no bearing on it. Lolz... anyways the bottom line's that no harm's done and now I love my blog all the more and have become very possessive about it.

Also I think since I am on the topic, I would also like to thank my batch mates, and especially my roomies, who have stood for me and with me. Your support at that time means a lot to me, and had you guys (oops sorry gals) not been with me, I would have broken down. But you people gave me the strength to stand by my convictions. Also i received a lot of support from my good friends in Delhi and especially from my best friend Ashish... Had you not been there for me, I would have failed. Thank you dear.....

Ok so now since its looking more like a filmfare award winning speech, I would divert a bit and tell all about my stay here... two things that I have learnt here is to eat food which remotedly looks (and mind u just looks, which can be deceptive) like human food ( i mean edible), and secondly to sleep with my eyes open.. Not only in guest lectures but in other classes as well... Here's a confession I wanna make... I just dont sleep in Presi's class because am scared of him (he asks a lot of data based questions and am like scared of facts and figures since birth) and second is Jose (he's all so full of energy and I really feel as energetic as him, he enjoys teaching and so i enjoy learning, and he really motivates me a lot to do well, I seriously study for him).. As for other profs, well they yawn in the class and I accompany them...

Now for my roomies (KritHika {KK}, Mahima {MAHI}, Medha and Ekta {EKI}.. Nah ekta's not in our room technically but literally speaking always is, so i count her as my roomie too.. And anyways by now we all feel incomplete without her).. We were alloted rooms according to our names and thank god (and my parents ans grand parents as well) that I was named from the letter "M".. because I have got the best roomies of the world... We share everything together (food, clothes, accessories, secrets, ideas and even thoughts by now, and imagine its just been 3 weeks but feels like we have known each other for such a looong time...) They helped me settle down in the new place, adjust to new surroundings and to new people, and mostly to cope up with seniors' ugly stares and uncalled for comments. Thanks a lot guys and for writing all this I deserve a BIG chocolate.

As of now i would close my post here, and tell more about my college, roomies, other friends, batch mates and institute in general in the next post (seriously I have a lot to say and particularly about the habits of my roomies, which is sure to leave us all in splits. But as of now, cya.)

BRIDES & GROOMS WANTED @ XIME (its back!! )

2008-07-07T07:12:00.003-05:00

Just a week into XIME and I have understood their ulterior motives... Nah! Its not to make us managers (MBAs) but "Married But Available" types and the institute's name does'nt mean Xaviers Institute of Manegement and Entrepreneurship but "Xavier Institute for Marriages and Engagements". I feel they are preparing us to get married in two years time, and manage our households and husbands rather than managing MNCs. For example, here we have to get up early morning, do all the things on our own like washing, cleaning, et all, have to wear sarees on every monday and salwar-kameez on other days as part of our uniforms, stick to gruesome schedules and never complain . Also we are taught to "act like a lady", how to behave on formal occasions like meetings and dates, how to dress up properly, how to speak and what to speak, how to behave, how to order food and what to order, how to manage budgets, to keep a pleasant countenance, and the list continues (just like the rules of our handbook, which were read out to us on the very first day... so much for our orientation).

The after effect is all evident from our seniors' behaviour who turned up yesterday itself (ya each one is a couple, the girl- boy ratio being 1:1 here, pretty intelligent our president; the rules gone for a toss, anyways its only for the junior batch; and the strong alumni association standing to the testimony that batch mates make better life partners.) We gave a welcome party to our seniors yesterday, and they ragged (very boring affair) us in return... I dont think they know the concept of 'Freshers Party' but introduced a new 'Ice breaking Session' called "Parichay" where we have to find out about one of our seniors from their friends and girl friends (guys enquiring about gals, and vice versa) and they arn't supposed to know till the end because its a guessing game as well (well every body knows everything here, the batches also dont know the meaning of secrets.)

As for what I did in my first week... well tried to adjust to my other three roomies, made good friends with them and also to few other girls, again tried to adjust to the new environment(common bathrooms, pathetic food in the mess, very strict and disciplinarian profs... ya I would have better adjusted to my in-laws than to these weirdos, atleast they would have loved me more and taken better care of me plus the empathy factor's always there.) Anyways its been raining here almost every evening making it very sexy and romantic and I am missing delhi all the more.... so much for "Welcome to XIME", will keep updating more stuff as and when things happen!

RE -TAKE ON BUCKET LIST

2008-06-14T14:21:00.007-05:00

Since a lot of people have commented on my tag being very cliched, and i have felt it so too, here's my review on 'The Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die'... Actually this is the correct list, the earlier one was my attempt to be nice and politically correct, though as i can see it failed miserably. Maybe I am better off the way i am ie very naughty. So here it goes...

1. TRAVEL: I want to travel extensively, and to all d remotest parts of d world. But that does not exclude d popular destinations, yet i want to explore d world on my terms and not what d guide wants me to see. The best way will be to pack my bag n just head to where ever i feel like. No boundations whatsoever.

2. OWN A MANSION, AND A FANCY SPORTS CAR: Ya i want to own a mansion and zip in and out of it in a sports car, travel in a yatch and on private aeroplane ala our very own Mukesh Ambani. Not that all, i want the mansion to have acres of open space all around it (not a high rise mind you, but simple and spacious two storied modest building, full of maids n servants). Whenever i cum home, i want my pups (of all breeds, esp d ferocious ones) to run towards me and cuddle me and make me feel all wanted (remember d Reymonds ad... that was cute)

3. DATE THE MOST HANDSOME AND HOT GUY: Need i add more? Its so obvious... but i want to do it fast and before i turn 30.... cz i dont beleive in "ageing gracefully" or that 'life starts at 40' or somthng....

4. I WANT TO BE TALLER AND MORE BEAUTIFUL: Not that i complain and i m pretty happy with d way i m, bt i nt drop dead gorgeous n if i can be a lot more taller, hav a lot better skin n hair, then i dnt thnk it'll hurt. Also to date d hottest guy, i need to be hot too. Otherwise y wud he date me... or btr still i wudnt date cz of my inferiority complex.

5. TRY ADVENTURE SPORTS: I hav nvr been a sporty person in my life bt nw i really wanna liv on d edge n do all d crazy stuff dat ppl lyk to term as "adventure" ... some on d list include water sports, mountain n sky sports, mountaineering, trekking, et al.

6. GO SHOPPING: Not d way i go nw, bt like cmpltly crazzy n buy watevr my eyes can see. One day throw all inhibitions to d air, n jus go on retail therapy. Buy d costliest of brands of clothes, shoes, accessories, perfumes, chocolates, gifts n wat else n wat not.

7. BE THE C.E.O OF A COMPANY: Ya, as mentioned before i actually wanna head a company frm the front n be d MD of it as well.

8. FIND A MULTI BILLIONAIRE: Well this one is d most obvious of all... i need a multi billionaire person to fund all my dreams, desires n aspirations... cz if i try on my own, i'll b so old that only my sons wud b reaping d benefits, n dividing my empire after my death.

P.S. Dont mind the sms language... i dont have the patience to edit it.

Love is beautiful, yet it has its own side effects

2008-06-11T14:41:00.003-05:00

Its raining posts, rather its discovery time. While cleaning up my cupboard, i chanced upon my old diary where i had written this one. Dating back to february* this year when it was written, it is finally seeing the light of the day in the month of june, without much of editing.

Lord Alfred Tennyson** asks in ‘In Memoriam’
“I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all …”

It’s a question that has baffled the youth since time immemorial that is it actually better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Love is a very powerful feeling and has known to have not only immense creative powers but destructive powers as well. It not only guides the heart, but the mind and soul along too, and makes people behave in the most unexpected ways. It’s capable of stirring the deepest of the feelings, and causes such vibrations that people are often ignorant about. Love, emotions, feelings, intimacy- the cause of every happiness and laughter, but also of pain and sufferings, of well being and also of sickness. Every youth who has been through the heartbreak zone have experienced two extremities of exultation and of grief. Love is also like life- the roller coaster ride of highs and lows, of crests and of abysms. The joy of anticipation of calls & of love messages, the sweet nothings whispered in the ears, the sensation of the first touch, hours of preparations before the meetings, the long phone calls and the even longer meetings, the childish pleasures in lying and hiding from everybody and then getting caught deliberately, the sense of security and belongingness that envelopes the couples- ahh! Nothing beats the moments of ecstasies, not even the knowledge that they won’t last forever & the sense of void that will be left thereafter in the heart. But who thinks about separation when the heart is doing somersaults and singing to the tunes of the violin? The experience of being in love- to be able to love and be loved, to care for someone and be cared for, craving to be with someone and know the feelings are reciprocated- the beauty lies in sharing and caring. The heart longs to listen to slow, romantic music while the thoughts always drift to a single person only. Everything looks complete and meaningful when you are with your special one, and you don’t need anyone else anymore. Somehow everything gets associated with them, and brings back scores of sweet bitter memories of conversations, meetings, secret jokes and what else and what not. Nothing can replace the long hours of sipping coffee together, hand in hand, lost deep into each others eyes, going for movies and not watching it, long drives, cuddling to each other, stealing kisses in between oblivious to the world, enjoying each other’s company in the cocooned world of lovers; life suddenly becomes all bright and rosy.

But these moments are always so short lived, as Neruda** puts it, “love is so short, forgetting is so long.” After the person makes a hasty exit from your life due to some misunderstandings or the other, suddenly the world goes topsy turvy and the walls of security crashes down. Feelings go awry, laden with guilt, regrets, pain, and tears, sudden mood swings, coupled with suicidal grief. A feeling of betrayal, sense of loss, frustration, hopelessness and above all helplessness develops, and suddenly it becomes all the more important to pick up the threads of life and reunite with family and friends who had all along lain neglected. But still that feeling of anguish does not go away so easily, and the questioning of self becomes more intensified. Dialling and redialling that number but never being able to muster up the courage to speak, going through all the old chats and emails and messages, visiting all the old places, promising to destroy the old memories in the form of cards and token gifts yet postponing the task… post break up period is not that easy to handle. Yet the point is that love is a journey, not the destination, so life needs to move on.

* i had a huge crush on someone, and it got crushed just like that. But this is not a personal story, neither has it emerged out of personal experiences. Its more inspired by an article i read in the newspaper around that time.
** i am a literature graduate, what else can be expected out of me?

Of Friends and Farewells

2008-06-11T02:15:00.004-05:00

First things first... i wrote this peice a long time ago but forgot to update it (ya right i am that clumsy) and secondly its more in a conversational diary writing style. So do not expect somthing great out of this (as if you do, too bad, but it boosts up my ego to live in delusions.) Also the initial response to this write up wasn't exactly great, but still here i am posting this. Try and enjoy!!!

A few days ago, two of my best friends “just dropped by to say hi” (by the way one is a school friend and other a college buddy but they are friends too!!!) and brought along with them a few surprises… a cake, a card and a beautiful stuffed toy. That was for my farewell party, thrown exactly a month before I leave for Bangalore. After all the melodramatic songs and dances, followed by tear jerking promises to stay in touch, and planning what connections to take so that we can stay connected (the pie on the cake being my mum also shed a few tears, after all she also does not want to be left behind), I took them out for a gol gappa and ice cream treat (I was forced to) and a trip to my old school which my college friend wanted to undertake. As the school was closed (we are super intelligent, we went in the evening) we saw all the closed doors and windows, deserted passages and hallways, empty class rooms and black boards, and had the entire playground for ourselves, though there wasn’t anything that we could play.(now are you happy darling?) After sharing all the old anecdotes with her (mostly embarrassing, buddies never forget that!) we all thankfully came back home, me with my left over dignity (secretly I loved the trip, it was as if all my old memories came alive in an instant.)

Now my best friend Reema is threatening to write a diary sharing all the intricate details about my life (ya she’s my partner-in-crime and knows all about me, even the details of my school life, by the way do you remember shobha's mam's interpretation of 'comrade-in-arms' lolz) and that is also supposed to be my farewell gift (surprise mind u!!!) and also Chetan Bhagat’s latest offering, which she has already started reading before me (again a surprise, oh dear you are so good at keeping surprises from me, I simply love you… chuckles.) What I fear the most is that it’ll more turn out to be a sensational soul-baring autobiography, and all the pranks and jokes and double crosses will be exposed. Not to forget the loooong list of my crushes and “affairs” (her inventions completely)… ahh I am scared even at the thought of it. But I have my own ways of taking revenge and I am making her fill questionnaires (that’s her embarrassing part… woopiii!!!) Lets see what turns out in the final, by the time I am keeping my fingers crossed and counting my days out.

Hey, by the way, I also visited my relatives last week and the same tear jerking melodrama followed suit there as well (though it had its own brownie points… I did lots of shopping, watched several movies in the theatre, whatever I desired to eat was prepared and others had to bear that, I got a lot of gifts, visited lots of places and nobody asked for a treat in return too) and as for drama, my friends fondly call me ‘nautanki’ and ‘drama queen’, though I also think the same about them. Lolz. So that was how my past one month went. hope i have been able to summarise it justly and without divulging too many secrets.

Whats happening to our telly world?

2008-05-20T02:37:00.007-05:00

I just want to know one thing... yaar why aren't there no more good serials on the telly? I am getting so thoroughly bored in the vacations, and cant even see TV jus bcz there's nothing on it except than tear jearking sagas like kyunki, kahani, bidaai n all d similar crap. And they are supposed to "serve d masses"... arn't d youngsters a part of d masses? Where's d cult catering to our needs? Who d hell gives a shit to kitchen politics? Or whether u hav some "secret" in ur family or not? Dead wives, loony grandmoms, wicked in-laws, married aunts who stay at their parents' houses along with their husbands and children and their spouses, men who dont work n stay at home to listen to women's useless banters, doctors who just play basketball or hav bike racing or indulge themselves in 'pyar, ishq n mohabbat'... (stupid all of them, but damn gud looking) kidnappings whose ransom runs into a few hundred crores, bussiness deals of again a few thousand crores, generations of relatives living together under one roof, any newcomer welcomed in d family as their own n then married off to some member of d family itslf, one bussiness loss n voila u r in a chawl (yet wearing sarees n jewellery worth crores), artificial heavy make up, men n women marrying scores of times, murders, rebirths, plastic surgeries, revenge, ahhhhh i m BORED of these.... plz give me somthng new.... and refreshing....

When Star One was introduced a few yrs ago, it had such a huge variety of serials serving d youth like remix, sarabhai vs sarabhai, dil kya chahta hai, pyar ki kashti me, hotel kingston, siddhanth, special squad, laughter challenge.... but after these got over (atleast they did, unlike many others on Star Plus n Sony which run longer than Mahabharata n Ramayana) no serial could cum up to their levels.... sadly bt true.... And we have to b hooked on to english serials like Friends to pass our times. For d past one month i hav nt watchd a single hindi channel, but faithfully swithched from AXN to Star World to Zee Studios n others, watching an occasional flick on HBO or Star Movies or Zee Cafe or Bindaas... Hey i forgot to mention abt d 3 new channels of Bindaas... they r gud.... actually.... but not upto d mark.... not evn NDTV Imagine (they hav all d funny sounding serials... thats d best part!!! d only best part)

STRANGE !!!

2008-05-17T01:47:00.003-05:00

Had a very eccentric experience today morning. And the strangest part about the whole experience was that it was not strange at all. No no, I haven’t lost my mind. It’s just that I heard a few children shouting in my neighbour’s backyard, and felt like joining them. So you might ask wats so strange in this? Yap a 20 year old thinking like this might sound a wee bit weird, but we all sometimes think on such similar terms. But that’s the whole point. It’s just that I felt so happy, that I wished to join them. It kind of reminded me of my childhood days when I used to shout in the same way and spend hours in the sun playing with my cousins. Making marble houses with my sis, running after each other threatening to eat up some or the other body parts, trying to fly kites (which won’t fly even over our heads), sneaking out in the afternoon to have a bottle of fanta or ice creams, playing houses or ghosts… those days were such fun. Living in joint families has their own benefits. And the added attractions were always the coming over of cousins; those were the times I used to actually go completely wild. My cousins used to call me a sumo wrestler (because I was extremely over weight) and I had to fight like a one and we also had dummy WWF matches. Rolling over each other to fight was actually the best part. We used to run away from our houses and press the door bell of all our neighbours, and disturb their afternoon naps, celebrate diwali after two days and irritate everybody and start playing holi from a week in advance (only and only water allowed, we used to be soaked up to our skins.) The throwing competitions were so much fun as well (we used to snatch up other’s things and then play catch-and-pass; I used to only enjoy if the things did not belong to me.) As we grew up, our childish games replaced the more serious “personal talks” that included our latest crushes, school bullies, colony ‘dadas’ and school toppers. How we used to ‘plan’ to hang our respective school toppers, or rather do something that would make them a lesser nerds than they were actually, or thrash up the school bullies and seniors (though we never got over the stage of planning and did NOTHING of the sort.) I still remember our pillow fights and blowing of bubbles from tooth pastes. Nothing can replace those carefree days of childhood. Now I regret growing up, and also that we all cousins have scattered to different parts of the world.

I don’t know but something has gone terribly wrong with the kids of my colony as well. They just don’t play in the evening. Hardly can I see a soul or two playing badminton or cycling. Whatever happened to the games like cricket, cycle racing and pittoo and marbles? I used to spend hours (up till my tenth standard) playing in the evening. Maybe these kids have become more interested in indoor games or TV; or rather their parents have become more concerned about studies and decided that tuitions are more important than playing. Whatever it is, but I am certainly missing the tempo of summer holidays, when I used to play out till dark, and after that badminton under street lights and curse the uncles who used to park their cars or aunties gossiping in our playground( ie on the streets). It was only at dinner time that my parents could persuade me to return home. I used to go for morning walks as well during holidays ( I guess I wasn’t so lazy after all). But seriously I am missing that environment… actually wondering has there developed a kind of generation- gap between us? ( By the way, mind you, I am just 20 and they can’t be more than 7-8). But things have definitely changed, maybe for the worse. (funda thoda jyada ho gaya hai na? Am I sounding like an aunty? Whatever. Period. )

TAGGED!!!!

2008-05-14T01:57:00.005-05:00

Here i am doing my first tag... tagged by Ashu!!!! Thank u dear... this one's for you....
Though the things are not necessarily in any particular order....

EIGHT THINGS I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT

1) Chocolates and Coffee: I have a very major sweet tooth and can devour atleast five chocolate bars in a single go. Also from the beginning of this year I have developed a major attraction for coffee (me being such a big patron of tea, this is a major development in my life!!!) Now I can’t spend a single day without having my cuppa of coffee.
2) Teddy bears: I just love cuddling to teddy bears; sizes, shapes, colours, and make no bar. I already have a collection of three big and several small teddies. I know that’s a small collection considering my liking for it, but if you are the eldest child even in your extended family, you are touted as the most ‘mature’ and ‘responsible’ one… so living up to that image requires certain sacrifices on your part.
3) Sleeping, listening to music, reading novels: This should have been at number one but never mind… my days can easily be categorised in these three activities… they are the numero uno activities I indulge in ie in sleeping (I can beat the world record holder, touch wood), in listening to music (my dad often complains that my room looks like a pan corner because its always so dirty and always so noisy. If I am not doing anything else I am listening to radio.) And of course since childhood I have been a big reading buff. (I have read everything, from serious to crap fiction, poetry, dramas etc. all genres included, and not to forget newspapers and magazines.)
4) Talking on the phone: Man I have got stamina for this. I can go on and on and on and on…. For hours together. Therefore according to my mum, the best choice for my profession will be a call centre job.
5) Walking: I enjoy taking long walks in the park or just moving around aimlessly. That’s the best time of the day.
6) Meeting friends: Being an extrovert that I am, I enjoy going out, exploring new places and meeting new people. And yes my friends list includes not just my friends, but their friends’ n their friends as well.
7) Dancing: Generally people are bathroom singers, but I am a bathroom cum bedroom dancer ie I dance only when nobody’s watching me. It helps to relieve my stress.
8) Internet: My latest addiction ie internet. Since I am at home nowadays, doing nothing, I have started spending hours and hours on the net.

EIGHT THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1) Travel: I want to travel, not only to far off places, but also travel around India, especially Kerela, Pondicherry, Goa, Karnataka. (South India) I have this desire of witnessing the grandeur of pyramids before I finally close my eyes.
2) Buy a house and a car: I want to buy a swanky sports car and a modest house for myself, with my own earned money. But the house would be on a secluded island, and not in any metropolitan city.
3) Own a pet: I am a huge dog lover, and since the time I remember I have always wanted a pet for myself. So that’s the first thing I am going to do with my first salary… buy a pup.
4) Understand people: I seriously need to master the art of understanding people, their psyche and their mood swings. I have had so many fights with my friends on this topic (touch wood the fights could not change a thing between us).
5) Lead a satisfactory life: I may not be having every material thing, but if I have my peace of mind, I would consider myself lucky.
6) Lend my name to a noble social cause: Though I am not a big social activist, but the humanitarian part of me insists on doing something good for the underprivileged kids, maybe in the field of education.
7) Do something for which the world will remember me after my death: I want to be a successful entrepreneur, and lead the company from the front.
8) Always make the people happy: Actually all that I desire can be encapsulated in a single sentence ie I want to make people happy (not only my loved ones, but everybody…. I want to touch the heart of the people who have ever had anything remotely to do with me.)
Also I want to learn guitar n speak French ( did not add to the list because I am going to start doing these from this year onwards.)

EIGHT THINGS I OFTEN SAY

1) Hey wassupp? :: That’s how I greet everyone, may it be through messages, or mails or personally.
2) How can you irritate me so much? :: This line is reserved for my brother, and my very close friends only.
3) I did not mean to say this :: People often misinterpret me, so this is a oft repeated phrase in my vocabulary.
4) I am truly, sincerely sorry :: This line means I am actually sorry, otherwise I am just being sarcastic, nothing else.
5) Shoooooo :: Again reserved for my bro and very close friends, though said with a wink.
6) Ya ya… go on, jhooth pe tax thodi na lagta hai :: That’s when people praise or flirt with me.
7) Achha? Huh huh huh!!! :: This shows the intensity of my sentence.
8) Ohhhhhhhh :: Shows surprise in my vocab.

EIGHT BOOKS I READ RECENTLY

1) The monk who sold his Ferrari: Totally avoidable. Very high on philosophy, in short very boring!!! Some may like it, but I did’nt.
2) The life of Pi: Again did not like it. Some of the parts should have been edited and others needed better expression. The middle part was absolutely disgusting.
3) To kill a mocking bird: Absolutely, absolutely loved it. No two ways about it. I don’t think anybody can actually not like it. Have already read it over a dozen times. In a single word, brilliant!
4) The kite runner: Again loved it. Cried with it too. Absolutely heart rendering, simply fabulous. Plainly told, it made a huge impact. Could not help but think about it for several weeks after I read it.
5) A thousand splendid suns: Good but considering I read it directly after ‘The kite runner’, it could not held on its own. Extremely repetitive.
6) Men are from mars, women are from venus: Did not help me. Period. Instead had a huge fight with one of my friends. Cautionary Warning: If you had a fight and want to make up again, do not send any letters, mails or text messages. Simply pick up the phone and place the call.
7) Taslima Nasrin’s Lajja: Brilliant. But overhyped.
8) Next on my list are Lolita and Opel Mehta.

SONGS I CAN LISTEN OVER AND OVER AGAIN

1) Sabse peeche hum khade by Silk Route.
2) Don’t expect me to be your friend by Lobo.
3) I’ll have to say I love you in a song by Jim Croce
4) Kuch is tarah by Atif
5) Lonely by Akon
6) Chal chale of Woh Lamhe
7) Jeene ke ishare of Phir Milenge
8) Soona soona of Krishna Cottage

EIGHT QUALITIES THAT ATTRACT ME TO MY BEST FRIEND

1) Honesty and straight forwardness.
2) The individuality and uniqueness in each.
3) Ability to understand me and support me.
4) Transparency in relationships.
5) Put up with my mood swings happily.
6) Can laugh as well as cry with me.
7) Fight in a while, yet cannot live without me.
8) Can honestly tell me my mistakes, and not try to impress me.

EIGHT PEOPLE I WANT TO TAG

Actually no one. Since I am new to this blogging world, so I don’t have too many friends who own a blog, and others have already been tagged and done it.

ARE WE LOSING TOUCH WITH REALITY?

2008-05-14T01:53:00.003-05:00

Case in point: Two people meet through Orkut, chat for a while in GTalk, seem to like each other a lot, decide to exchange phone numbers, talk some more, the length of calls extending to hours, even midnight calls, finally deciding to meet up at a nearby café… becoming very good friends, then something more than that, “special” friends, and finally boyfriend -girlfriend….. Two months down the lane they break up…. Reason? They realized they aren’t compatible. Very different from their virtual images, they find it difficult to adjust to each other. End result: Lots of pain and a broken relationship.

Does this scenario sound very familiar? As if it has happened to you, or to someone whom you knew/know? Shocking, isn’t it? But its true… all of us have somehow got trapped in the images we have created for ourselves. Personalities defined by “cute guys’ or “love gals”, they become the identity after a while. In the absence of face to face interactions between people, cell phones and internet taking the place of actual meetings, we have somehow become very recluse and shy in the presence of other people. No longer it’s the letters and cards that announce the oncoming of a festival or good news, but e- cards and e- mails that hound our inboxes. Invitations of marriages and birthday wishes are also send nowadays via scraps. But are they actually able to convey the warmth that hand written letters and cards are able to do? I think not. We have become so busy or rather I would say careless that a personal touch goes missing in all our dealings. Isn’t it fun to pounce upon friends on their birthdays with cakes and then muck their faces with it? Or meet old school buddies at those favorite hangouts instead of scrapping them once in two three months?

At all times it’s important to maintain that essential human contact and not entirely lose away to the virtual world. The aspect of trust also diminishes because imposters aren’t very uncommon on net. But on the flip side personally I have met so many wonderful people through the internet itself that I feel it would be entirely wrong on my part to blame others for spending too much time online. Also it becomes easy to remain in contact with all the long lost friends through internet. So be careful while dealing with strangers, and don’t restrict yourself to internet and encourage that friendship (to the people whom you know) to grow over time….

Its raining..... (not men stupid, but raindrops...)

2008-05-14T01:01:00.007-05:00

Yups its raining again... after such a long time... n miraculously all of a sudden i have become very happy happy.... more like the Tashan song, "very happy in my heart, dil dance maare...".... perfect weather to go out n meet friends (yaar internship n article ship se ek din ki chutti maar lo... reason: *ahem* its a rainy day sir!!!), or just laze around sipping a cup of coffee... suddenly getting an urge to gorge on dark chocolates... yumm my mouth's already watering.... for sure will visit the park today evening n feed d ducks some popcorns.....
This week's been all full of khushi n gham 2gether.... bought a new laptop.... made me so very happy and excited.... n d very next day my PC crashed n all d programmes of my lappi dissapeared as well (no prizes for guessing i was behind all these mischiefs)... again d nxt day sab kuch theek (nw PC n lappi both in superb health n doin good by god's grace... not a single penny charged frm me... i m super duper lucky!!!!!) wooh!!!! that ws one helluva long week... (oops its jus wednesday.... n i already thinking abt winding it up.....)

How much land does a man need?

2008-05-08T14:17:00.001-05:00

How much land does a man require? That’s the question that our good, old English Literature (CBSE) book asked in standard 7. But I feel somehow the question has changed its meanings as we have grown up – its no more just the land needed to place the grave comfortably but “ MY PRIVATE SPACE” that people crave for.

As I was flipping through the pages of my text book, that being a yearly ritual for DU students a night before the main exams, I came across an interesting conversation between Bonnefoy and Ionesco (I did his ‘Rhinoceros’ this year) where Ionesco spoke about the need of solitude in today’s world. Reading his piece, it tickled me off thinking that in a way he was correct in assessing that the lack of solitude is one of the main problems of this age. Not ‘communal solitude’ which means isolation or alienation or estrangement from the world, but the solitude in which one is able to withdraw unto oneself so that a healthy analysis can be undertaken about our past actions, present circumstances and future decisions. For this everyone need sometime off for themselves { by the way everybody dread being ‘alone in a crowd’ yet desire it as the same time.} Have’nt we all at some point or the other in our lives wished to be left all alone? Switched off from every human contact and just stared at the distant sky searching for the entirety in our souls? Wished to silence the noise outside and listen to the music of the heart? Long solitary walks where no external force can disturb, silently sitting at the window pane watching the sorrow laden clouds unburdening themselves and then bright rainbows making the whole world pristine clear? Companionship is needed at all times, yet have we never desired to sit by the lakeside and see the sunset all by yourself… feeling as if everything, every beauty is present to soothe your senses alone, to make you believe you are the sole beneficiary of God’s benevolence? It is only at those times that one feels the presence of God by their side.

Again these above lines made me divert and think what has actually made the modern day man so recluse? Is it the societal pressure or the competition? Accepted that ‘survival of the fittest’ theory has never before found its true meaning as it has in the twenty- first century, but our elders too must have faced the same crux in their own ways. So why is it that only our generation has started demanding their “space” – not after life but for the very reason to live. I mean my parents never demanded it, and happily lived in a large joint family for their entire childhoods. Space never meant a luxury for them, but a thing of necessity. But me and my bro, each having our separate rooms, still crave for space and privacy. I wonder when this hunger for metaphoric - temporal space will satiate, and what all we will lose till then. For the time being, I am going to stay in my own, cocooned, Happy State of Solitude.

P.S. The title is taken from Leo Tolstoy's short story by the same title.

All for you..... None for me......

2008-05-08T03:15:00.000-05:00

You might not see me sometimes, but i have visions only for you.
You might not hear me sometimes, but i have sounds only for you.
You might not feel me sometimes, but i have sensations only for you.
You might not care for me sometimes, but i have feelings only for you.
You might not feel my presence sometimes, but i m there always for you.
I am your shadow, you are my vista.
I am what you want me to be for you.

Is it this easy to love her?

2008-05-08T03:11:00.000-05:00

I may look at you, yet not see you.
I may listen to you, yet not hear you.
I may touch you, yet not feel you.
I may be near you, yet not smell your scent.
I may kiss you, yet not know the difference.
I may accompany you, yet not be with you.
You may think you know me, yet not understand me.
Sometimes a friend, sometimes a foe.
sometimes a soulmate, sometimes a stranger.
I may confuse you, yet interest you.
I may baffle you, yet enchant you.
I may be sweet, I maybe bitter.
And all you are left to wonder is,
Is it this hard to love her?

A CHANCED ENCOUNTER

2008-05-08T02:59:00.000-05:00

“ Baba I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. And ask Ma not to worry too. I have grown up. I can take care of myself.” This was maybe the tenth time in an hour that I was repeating this to my father. But still the more sincerely I said it, the more he doubted. Actually I was a bit skeptical myself too. I know that I am 18 now, I can atleast travel alone in a train. I was’nt going to travel through the proverbial Seven Seas, just a 5 hour journey to jethu’s place in lucknow. And that too in Shatabdi. But I was traveling alone for the first time, and their worries were understandable as well as justified. Truthfully I was feeling scared myself, but what the heck I was’nt going to express it.

As I settled comfortably in my seat, my luggage securely placed on the overhead rack, I noticed that the seat adjacent to mine was still empty. Thankfully I had brought Readers Digest along, otherwise I would have died of boredom. I started noticing the other people in the compartment – a young couple with an infant {Oh God! Now he’s going to cry all the way. Why do people have to bring their tiny tots along?}, a middle- aged uncle with his neice and nephew in tow, people on business or personal trips, two burqa- clad aunties {maybe they’ll disembark at Aligarh or Kanpur}… but not a interesting soul caught my attention { I have such a bad luck that no interesting person travels in the same compartment as mine, I am going to sue Bollywood directors for propagating the myth of fairy tale romances!} Anyways having nothing better to do at that moment, I started recollecting the events that propelled such a courageous act on my part – di n mine’s brilliant plans & their careful execution, mom’s fervent protests, refusals of other relatives, mitu and bomma’s pleadings, jethu’s insistence, baba’s final yet reluctant yes, oh hurried packings and plannings… I still cant believe I am in the train alone. “ Hi! I am Zulfia”. Waking me out of my reverie, I realized the seat next to mine was occupied by the lady who was holding out her hand for me to shake. It took me a moment to come back to my senses and all I could murmur was an embarrased hello. I noticed she was slightly on the bulkier side, aged between 25-30, had curly black hair and a vivacious smile. After I finished my breakfast, I saw she was busy on her laptop. So I got back to my book and after finishing it in 2 hours flat, I again turned towards her. She was still busy with her work. So I toyed with the idea of making her my muse and write a story about her. The plan was to create a fictional character and then spin a story about her, authenticate it with details and voila! u are a fiction writer. As I was working on her life story, her parentage and upbringing, I again realized she was intently observing me. Dunno how long it had been like that. But she did not say anything but smiled, and that gave me courage to strike up a conversation with her. Very soon I was teling her all the anecdotes of my school and college life. That’s the best part of talking to a stranger, they don’t perceive you with pre- conceived notions and it becomes easier to talk to them. Soon she started about her work too. Said she had been schooled and graduated in Mumbai and was also working as a Creative Director in a reality show in Mumbai. I listened to her in utter disbelief because her office did not sound a conventional one to me. I decided she was lying to spice it up. Decidedly an office is located in a confined space, or at the most in a studio, but on the roads? With a bunch of youngsters to accompany? How can people enjoy working? No complaints, nothing bad to say about bosses?

Time flew by and I did not even realize when the journey got over. After I said my good- byes, I never looked back upon her until after I saw her on the TV after three long years. Maybe chanced encounters are meant to be like that only, u meet a person, spend some time and then never look back as if they never existed in the first place. But there she was before my eyes, giving interviews on MTV in the capacity of the Producer of Roadies. Yups guys she’s the same Zulfia of Roadies fame, and at that time she was working on Roadies 2.0. Thank you Zulfia you made me believe that your office isn’t a conventional one, because the show isn’t conventional either.

P.S. 1) Baba in Bengali means father, Ma mother, di elder sister ( here my cousin), Jethu means paternal uncle, Bomma ( boro- ma) paternal aunt and Mitu is my little cousin.

2) I hope I have been able to successfully create a fictional character in Zulfia.
Enjoy reading!!!!